What happened to bring this about? Well, I asked the Sunday School teacher, "We know Jesus was born on December 25th, do you know what year it was? Surely if you know the month and day, someone must know the year." And I believe it was a substitute teacher (maybe Mrs. Harvin, but probably not) who responded, "The year zero."

At the meeting before the excommunication ceremony was to take place, the gentleman from the church came and talked with me in private. I was led up to him by his assistant, Sir Nicholas Boehr.  This was not a standard preacher or such.  He was definitely older in his 70s or 80s even and was very thin and had white robes with red trim and a pointy white hat I believe.  He also had 'flabby' jowels looking almost like a bulldog type face on a person.  Anyway, he started talking to me like this, "I am the Archdeacon of Canterbury and you have already met my faithful servant, Sir Nicholas.  I imagine that you are wondering why I am here.   I am here because the Pope issued a signed order that you are to be eliminated immediately before the next sunrise.  He also told me personally to try and do this as discreetly as possible so as to not draw attention to the church.  So I said to myself, if the Pope wants this done, why doesn't he do it himself instead of putting it on my shoulders.  Why should I have to do the Pope's dirty work?  So here I am.  I am here because I am shocked that such a little innocent child could cause such a ruckus. I know you are not really the one responsible for this ruckus, but there is a big ruckus none the less. The church is all up in arms over something as simple as a child's innocent question and an answer that a teacher should not have given without authorization from the church. No one has been excommunicated from the church in over 200 years and I do not wish to be the one to reinstate that terrible practice now. Boiling people in oil, burning at the stake. Terrible practices. Barbaric practices. And honestly, knowing who you are, chances are if we did try to boil you in oil, you would be dangling from a rope while the oil vat spilled over and killed everyone else while you would remain safe.  I know who you are and your coming was foretold long ago.  I actually came here to protect you not harm you.  There are others that if they knew you existed and who you were, they would try to hunt you down to try and make sure you did not fulfill the prophesies about you.  In order to protect you, I need to have you sign a paper for me that my assistant has.  After you sign this paper, I will explain some things to you.  And what this paper does is make sure that your name does not appear in the international or national news for any reason whatsoever.  Like I said, I am here to try and protect you.  If certain people find out that you exist, they will try to kill you.  I also have a feeling that Someone else is watching over you anyway, but I wish to do what I can as well.  Just an added precaution if I might say.  Sir Nicholas?"  And Sir Nicholas just said, "Sign here and we'll explain."  I signed.  Then the archdeacon continued, "This paper also helps protect me as well, because what I am about to tell you is very sensitive information and if it became public, there would be many problems for all of us.  After signing that paper, you can not have anything written about you in the national and international news for any reason.  Anything you say or do will be blocked from being published internationally and nationally.  It is an Order of Suppression and it forbids your name from being used in any articles of significance, local news does not apply.  With that being said, The year zero never happened and there was never a year zero on the julian calendar. The answer the teacher gave was incorrect. The true answer I will give to you now, but be forewarned, the Roman Catholic Church, after all of this hullabaloo, does not want people to hear this answer, but I feel you deserve it after being put through all of this through no fault of your own. In the early days when the church was forming, the church saw that there were a large group of people known as the Mithrites, who every 25th of December would dance around naked around a pine tree in a fertility festival as it was believed by the Mithrites, that the Mithrite's saviour, Mithra, was to be born on December 25th at some future date. This was a large group of people at the time on the eastern border. As the birthdate of Jesus was unknown, the leaders of the church seeing this large group of people, realized that if they could convert these people, it would be a large addition to the number of Christians in the world. The Ottoman Turks also wished to convert these people as well. The early Roman Catholic Church, seeing that the birthdate of Jesus was unknown, and realizing that these Mithrites were waiting for their saviour, Mithra, decided to make Jesus' birthdate December 25th. Mithra fit the description of Jesus in working miracles of healing the sick, making lame beggars walk, raising the dead, and such. So the Roman Catholic Church decided to make December 25th Jesus' birthdate to try and convince the Mithrites that their saviour, Mithra, was Jesus Christ. As a result, most of the Mithrites converted to Christianity instead of joining the Ottoman Turks. Placing presents under a pine tree replaced the original fertility part of the festival, the three wise men, and all that. But Christmas was born from the Roman Catholic Church wanting to convert the large group of Mithrites to Christianity. In addition, the calendar was changed from starting on March, to starting on January as January 1st was one week from December 25th in honor of starting the new year one week after the birth of the saviour, Jesus Christ, as the Mithrites believed that a new beginning was to happen after their saviour, Mithra, was to be born. Rest assured, the church does not want people to know this story and after the Mithrites were converted the documents were either destroyed or hidden to never be seen again. But this story was relayed to me and I feel it is only fitting that you should know too. You did nothing wrong outside asking a simple question, and your teacher did nothing wrong outside provide an answer that she thought to be correct. But you are an innocent and in light of all that has happened, I can not in good conscience excommunicate you. Two wrongs do not make a right. But, however, in light of what has happened, I would recommend that you do not attend this church anymore for yours and their own good. If you do attend this church, I probably will have to excommunicate you if anything more were to happen beyond what has already happened. Also, I hope you do not talk to others about this as the church does not want people having this information.  I hope you understand.  You seem to be a bright child, but a child none the less.  Sir Nicholas, use the secret exit so as not to be seen leaving by the others.  You are free to go now."

Where : Corning - Painted Post East High School, Corning, NY

Who : Karen Carpenter

I. June 12, 1981? Karen and I reunited

And on August 16, 2019 I remember that Karen and I did meet again at Corning - Painted Post East High School in 1981.  It was a sunny day, so I am thinking it was the middle of June 1981 but not positive on that.  Karen came to the school and had me paged to the office at the school.  The secretary called up my room I was in and had me come to the office.  When I got to the office, Karen was standing by the reception desk and she was all decked out with a short black dress, black fishnet type stockings, heels, and a couple luau necklaces.  When I got there, Karen said, "Hi, I was the one who had you paged.  Do you remember me?" as I was going to the reception desk.  And I was like, "You look kind of familiar, but I don't really recognize you."  And she said, "It's me, Karen, remember, you and I spent most of 8th grade together?  I still have that ring you gave me."  And I was like, "Oh my God, it is you.  I remember.  But you're kind of dressed like a slut so you threw me off a bit."  And she was like, "Well, that was blunt.  I guess I should have seen that coming the way I'm dressed with the fishnet stockings and all.  I just flew in and I didn't have time to change out of my secretary clothes.  I got a job in the area now.  We can be together again."  And I was like, "You look so different dressed up but it is still you on the inside that counts, and as we both know, I like..." and Karen and I both said in unison together, "Tomboys and mud pies."  And we were both like, "It is you, how've you been?" at the same time to each other again.  And the receptionist / secretary said (Lois, who lived with Marvin's son, Ed, and Ed and Lois used to rent the upstairs apartment from my parents at 265 East Third Street), "You can use [whatever] room if you two want some privacy.  Don't forget to close the curtains.  Don't worry, I'll keep a look out for you two.  And here, put on this sweater [a long white knitted sweater].  If you remember, it's your old sweater and you left it at the apartment when you left two years ago.  He's right.  You do kind of look trashy and I think the sweater will help cover it up."  As a side note here, the assistant principal at Corning Free Academy became an assistant principal at Corning - Painted Post East High School, Roger Grigsby.  Marvin Mishrell was the other assistant principal and Marvin's son Ed rented the upstairs apartment from my parents before at 265 East Third Street.  We'd moved to 8 Garden Street at this time.  And so we went in the room and Karen said, "I told her that I was your fiancé and she believed me.  I hope you don't mind."  and I was like, "Like always, you make me smile.  That was a good one."  Karen was like, "Yeah, she also told me that you haven't been seeing anyone and the secretary was actually glad to hear that we were engaged.  She told me to say that my ring was a Cubic Zirconia but looked real and she said it was still a beautiful ring and that you seem to be a really nice guy.  She remembered me from before when we woke up the neighborhood that time.  We had a good laugh together.  The secretary also said that she sent her boss out on an errand and that we had about an hour before he got back.  Us secretaries need to stick together."  And then Karen asked, "I forgot, what were our pet names for each other again?"  And I was like, "Honey and Darling."  And she was like, "That's right.  I keep forgetting." And I was like, "That's OK.  I only remember because you used your Marlene Dietrich voice and Marlene called everyone Darling and honestly, I came up with Honey after I looked over at your honey dipper for your tea.  I almost called you Bear because your honey was in that bear jug."  And she laughed and said, "I remember that.  I forgot about the honey bear.  I kind of wondered how you came up with that so fast."  And I was like, "Yeah, it just kind of just slipped out like that."  And then I said, "That was really great that the secretary did that for us.  I saw Patti in my french class so it was a bit awkward.  I didn't really know what to say to her half the time.  She did talk though and told me about you getting married."  And Karen was like, "Yeah, I got married on August 31st?, 1980 to a guy named Tom Burris and he has a boy Patti's age.  [then some personal information that I would rather not repeat in public, not only because of privacy issues, but also because it is still a bit garbled and I don't want to take a chance of writing something again that may be a bit off and possibly wrong].  Then she talked about her husband, Tom, and said something like, "When people give you good advice, always listen.  People have always told me not to marry someone you meet in a bar and now I'm paying for it because I didn't listen."  And I was like, "I know, the 5 F's of meeting someone in a bar - Find 'em, feel 'em, finger 'em, f*** 'em, then forget 'em, but in your case it is probably Find 'em, feel 'em, fondle 'em, f*** 'em, then forget 'em."  And Karen was like, "I like that better.  I'll have to remember that.  Tom kind of blind-sided me because at first he kind of looked like you without your glasses only he is about ten years older than me.  But then too, he was more of a beefcake and you are more of a hunk.  After seeing you again, I definitely see the difference between a beefcake and a hunk.  Beefcakes are great to look at, but then I got to know him better and realized that he was not the hunk I thought he was at first.  Tom is definitely not a diamond in the rough.  Tom got me on the rebound because I never got over you.  My hormones were raging and my biologic clock was ticking.  You weren't there to protect me.  I was lonely and vulnerable and how did Rod say it?"  And then I said, "You were desparate."  And Karen said "Yeah, I was desperate.  Really desperate.  Do you like my ring?  Yeah, I bought it myself, so it is just what I wanted and this is the ring I wish you had been able to give to me.  I originally picked this ring out with you if you remember right.  You made that growl sound in your throat when you saw that ring.  You were so cute.  I had to get it and I stuck it away in my hope chest hoping that some day...  Actually, I sent a limo to pick you up at your house, but you weren't there."  And I was like, "We moved on February 23rd, 1980 to a different house."  And she was like, "I kept hoping that you would show up at my wedding and be my knight in shining armor like always, I kept looking for you but you weren't there.  And you know me and my signs.  When you didn't show up I figured it was a sign that I should marry Tom, so I did."  And I was like, "Try to remember this, if I don't show up at your wedding it is a sign that you are marrying the wrong guy again.  Besides, I was only 15 at the time and that would have looked great splattered all over the papers.  You know me, I still would have gone through with it somehow, but..."  And Karen was like, "I'll try to remember that.  And speaking of papers, People Magazine was there.  I almost backed out, but my mom made this big speech and I went through with it.  Her speech wasn't that good, but my mom rarely makes speeches so I figured it was important to her that I went through with it, so I did.  I was also good friends with his cousin [name] and so I figured how bad could he be?  Anyway, Tom got a vasectomy because he was worried that if I got pregnant that it might wreck my voice and destroy my singing career.  I asked him several times to get it reversed and I would pay for it but he refused every time."  And I was like, "Well that was thoughtful of him."  And to Tom's credit, Karen had arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat) and with that, Karen getting pregnant would be a difficult situation and a definite cause for concern.  And Karen was like, "Not funny Ace, Tom changed after we got married.  Tom and I had great sex before we got married, but you can't live on love alone.  Before we got married, Tom always asked permission and such before doing something.  After we got married, Tom kept trying to run everything.  I kicked Tom out of the studio because Tom was trying to tell Richard how to record me."  And I was like, "I remember Richard that time and I remember Richard and I there and you sitting at your desk and telling Richard and I when it was alright for us to talk.  We knew better.  But Richard has been recording you for years and what does Tom know about a recording studio anyway?  Vasectomy, strike one.  Bossy, strike two."  And then Karen said, "I forgot about you meeting Richard.  You two were funny.  Richard doesn't usually make jokes around others, so I know he at least felt comfortable around you.  But Tom and I even fought on Christmas.  It was our first Christmas together so I wanted to spend it at our new home and Tom had made plans to see people and didn't tell me about it until the last minute.  I piled up all the presents in the back seat of the car, which is a small seat, and off we went with his son trying not to sit on presents the whole trip.  So we ended up spending Christmas on the road and I was not happy and I definitely let him know I definitely was not, as you call it, a happy camper."  And I was like, "I know how much you love Christmas and I'm surprised that you didn't shove the tree, angel and all, up where the sun don't shine and then turn the lights on.  Our family usually visits everyone on Christmas day, but with you, I would definitely let you decide and if you wanted to stay home, we would stay home.  No questions asked."  And then Karen said, "I just got an image of that tree thing you just said.  That's funny.  I wish I had thought of that.  I was definitely mad enough to do it at the time.  And as you say, pardon my french, but Tom is definitely a big enough a**hole that the tree would fit with room to spare and we had a really big tree this year.  [And we both laughed].  But that wasn't the straw that broke the camel's back.  Tom and I visited [my friend] and then when I asked him to visit again he seemed to be making up excuses.  A few times of this and I got suspicious and called up [my friend] and asked her if something had happened while Tom was there."  Karen said that "[my friend] said that Tom had tried to talk her into having sex with him and she felt awkward because she didn't know what to do about it.  [my friend] was worried that I might be offended if she didn't want to have sex with him because she found him to be kind of repulsive.  Tom lied about why he and his ex wife split up.  And after I found out that he hit on [my friend] I am all done with Tom.  Three strikes.  You're out.  Tom and I are definitely having some problems lately and I guess it was to be expected.  We both kind of started out on the wrong foot and lied to each other.  I lied to him about the rings and about almost everything really.  I never trusted him for some reason...  I think that reason was because I already knew someone that I knew I could always trust.  That someone is you.  I remembered what you said too about promises."  And then we both said together, "I don't make promises, but I say what I mean and I mean what I say."  And then she said, "We were both vulnerable and lonely and we made all of these promises to each other and I think we've broken about every promise we ever made to each other.  It's a real mess.  I know you can see my thoughts again and I know you just saw that.  Yes, he did.  I was his wife.  He wanted sex.  I'm a Christian and I can't hate anyone but Tom is the closest to hating someone I've ever known.  If you remember Max, Max was a saint compared to Tom.  And if you remember too, you were an answer to my prayers.  Tom never got me like you did with that coin trick.  And I figure that you had figured out by now that it was Olivia and Dionne that time and we still laugh about it because I had that racing stripe down the middle of my face and I didn't know it.  That was funny and everyone knew that you got me except me until later.  The pencil mark wiped right off so it was no big deal.  That's right, what did you and Dionne talk about anyway?"  And I was like, "Dionne just wanted to make sure that I was the one that did that to you and that I told you about it before someone else did.  We talked about you mostly.  She was just looking out for you."  And Karen was like, "I was kind of jealous because you two talked and were laughing, but that's what she told me too later on was that she wanted to make sure you did it and that you told me before I found out about it and that you and her talked mostly about me.  I really messed up with Dionne because I was jealous, but there's nothing I can do about it now.  We weren't talking and it was all my fault because I got jealous and I wasn't thinking."  And I was like, "You didn't did you?"  And Karen was like, "We got arguing and I did, we both did, and I kind of regret it because I was not raised that way but there's nothing I can do about it now.  I don't take back what I said, but I just wish I could have found a better way to say it was all.  It just happened like that."  And Karen continued, "Tom pulled the drinking glasses trick on me where the glass leaks, but it's just not the same.  It wrecked my new pants suit and was just a mess really.  You got me good, with Tom I got myself.  And, oh, what a mess I got myself into with Tom.  I really don't care about him any more and I just want him gone and out of my life."  And I was like, "Uh oh.  I messed up again, didn't I?  Sounds like things aren't working out so well in your marriage.  You know how I always wish you the best and to be happy, I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going so well, but maybe things can get better somehow."  And then I paused a little and then continued, "It still seems kind of weird that everyone is our 500th or whatever great grandkid."  She was like, "Yeah, I still remember what Nick said to us about not having children and possibly bringing about another Great Flood and all that.  I forgot to tell you that he did say I could call him Nick too instead of Sir Nicholas."  And we both said, "But only in private.  Jinx."  And then we both said together again, "He sounds just like John Cleese.  Double jinx."  And we both laughed a little and then she said, "He told me he is actually Olivia's distant cousin.  Oh and Rod and I made up at my wedding.  I realized that he was just caught between a rock and a hard place and it wasn't really his fault.  Rod and I came up with a new nickname for Itchie at my wedding, Tagalong.  Wherever I went, Tagalong wasn't too far behind.  My solo album is actually tied up in limbo for who knows how long.  I still love the album because most of the songs were about us and it has been about all I have of us besides my pen and a couple of those kinky critters you left in my desk drawers.  I actually gave most of them away, but I did keep a few as souvenirs.  And yes, I still remember and put them in different positions here and there when others aren't around and I still laugh about it.  You had a pretty wild imagination as a kid."  And I was like, "Sorry I wasn't there to tonsilectomy the bride at your wedding.  Honestly, I have been trying to get you out of my system for the last couple years.  I haven't been doing so well as you can see.  I know I look terrible.  I did buy Michael Jackson's Rock with You single and I played it almost non stop for over a month after it came out and I pretty much wore the single out because the grooves are white now instead of black.  I wore the needle out too and I had to replace that as well.  I definitely hugged the stuffings out of my pillow for quite a while and then I just started forgetting about you for some reason.  I'm not sure why, but I did.  It wasn't until Patti was in my french class that I started remembering again.  I honestly don't remember half the things we did anymore, I just remember that we had some great times together."  And Karen was like, "Yeah, it hit me pretty hard too and a few times I just started crying and I didn't know why.  I just did.  And then I met Tom, but I never really forgot you, I just put you in the background.  You are still my strength when things go wrong and such.  I remember what others said about us being soul mates and honestly, even though I missed you being there, you still gave me strength when I needed it.  Like you, I was an emotional train wreck too.  We had always helped each other feel better for so long and you never realize how good you have it until it's gone."  And I was like, "Long and gone.  Hey you're a poet and didn't know it.  I didn't realize either.  I mean I did realize, but when I forgot about you for a little while, it kind of affected me a lot different than what I thought.  I honestly didn't think it was possible to forget about you back then, but it happened and there is still some stuff I know I have still forgot about yet.  When I just started getting too lonely, I thought of you and felt better even though you weren't here.  I also thought about everyone being our great whatever grandkids too."  And Karen was like, "Actually, that stuff still kind of freaks me out.  I try not to think about it too much.  We almost came close to possibly destroying the world and we didn't even know it.  It's just creepy."  And I was like, "Me too.  I mean I love you, but not enough to destroy the world over.  Finding that stuff out kind of ruined us getting together in the future when I get old enough.  I still love the thought of us spending forever together."  And then she was like, "Me too.  I still love you and miss you so much.  Us being together forever sounds great to me too.  And I got to thinking too that I think Nick was wrong because we've had other lives since then and even the Bible says there isn't going to be another Great Flood when it talks about rainbows.  I think we'll be fine if we do get together.  Well, I just came back into town for a little while for Patti's graduation and I thought I would stop by and say hi while I was here.  I'm staying with my cousin Wendy so the spinsters are back together again and we're having a blast and catching up on the soap operas and our knitting."  I was like, "Does she still have that room above the garage available for rent?"  And Karen was like, "You remembered.  Actually, Tom came with me and I rented the room above the garage for him and his son.  We had to put it in his son's name because Tom doesn't have a good credit rating.  I told Tom I was getting a secretary job at the school so that I could sneak off and see you again."  And the reason why a bit fuzzy is because of what went on next, Karen said, "Well, we don't have much time left, do you want to keep wasting it talking or do you want to make out with me?"  And I took my glasses off and Karen wrapped her arms around me and I wrapped my arms around her and I tonsilectomied (stuck my tongue down her throat and rubbed it back and forth like a dog in heat) her for the next two minutes or so.  Karen was trying to push me away, but I let her have it.  After I let her get away, she slapped me.  I then gave her the 'you asked for it' look.  And then she saw my thoughts again and realized what I was upset about and she got a bit nervous.  She then said, "Sorry I slapped you but I didn't like what you did to me just now.  That was just horrible.  If it had been anyone else I would have been looking to break something over their head."  And I was like, "That's OK.  I deserved to be slapped or even worst and as you know what I did was intentional."  And she was like, "Yeah, I just realized why you did it too.  Here I am dressed like a slut as you called it and then asking you to make out with me and not wanting to talk.  I kind of asked for that.  I thought at first you did that because you didn't know what you were doing.  I think that my thinking you are just a kid kind of backfired on me again like before."  And I was like, "You got it.  And I gave it to you.  If you want to act like a slut, I can treat you like a slut.  Welcome back.  But actually that's wrong of me especially with you.  I took what you said the wrong way.  And I need to say something else, myself.  First, I think we are both sliding on thin ice right now.  You have two strikes against you and I have two and a half strikes against me with that tonsilectomy I gave you and thinking about you being a slut when you're not.  We are definitely starting out on the wrong foot.  I think it is because you are looking for someone to be a lover and I am looking for someone to share my time with.  We don't match.  You want a lover and I want a companion.  But I think we both need a lover that is a companion too.  We both want something, but I think we both need something even better."  And Karen was like, "I think you are on to something there and I agree."  And then I said, "Do you remember when we visited the Dalai Lamas and the Dalai Lama made you think there was dirt on my face?"  And Karen was like, "I think I remember that, but what's your point?"  And I was like, "If you remember what Rod said about soul mates and touching, well, we've touched each other.  In all honesty, I don't want to spend the rest of eternity with you wanting to wipe dirt off my face or giving tonsilectomies, do you?"  Karen was like, "Do you think we could start over?"  And I was like, "We can try."  And then Karen and I gave each other a long (five minutes or so) passionate kiss (liplock) as we held each other in our arms and embraced each other.  The smiles and cloud 11 were definitely back between us again.  Our eyes were even brighter (more engaging) than before too.  At the end of 8th grade, Karen and I had the world in our eyes.  Now, Karen and I started having the universe in our eyes.  Instead of sparks and flames, we were having nukes and supernovas.  Also, back in 1979, it was passion and an urge to go farther.  In 1981, we found out about 'first contact'.  We didn't hug or hold, we caressed each other.  Soft and sensual, not wild and crazy.  Intimate and meaningful, not just out for a good time.  Lovingly, not bumping and grinding.  A lover (well, she had her visitor so as close as we could get to it...) and a companion.  We went from a feeling of now to a feeling of forever.  As everyone noticed, it was awesome.  Before, the secretary told Karen that she would knock lightly three times on the door about five minutes before her boss was to arrive.  The knocks came and Karen and I waited about a minute or so and then I proceeded to open the door and walk out with Karen just in front of me.  We were both definitely floating on cloud 11 or higher and so staggering out might have been a better word for it.  I leaned forward and gave Karen a kiss on her cheek and I said, "I love you forever Honey."  And she spun around and gave me a liplock (no tongue) and said, "I love you forever too Darling."  On the way out we both thanked the secretary and she said, "No, thank you, it was my pleasure.  It's about time his office got put to some good use for a change.  My father in law is about as romantic as a [I think she said 'wet sponge' but not sure now].  Good luck you two.  And Ace, just wait a couple minutes and go to your next class."  And I walked out with Karen and then we wrapped our arms around each other and embraced and kind of did a slow dance together while giving each other a liplock again and slowly spinning around.  And then Karen and I parted company and we blew each other kisses and caught them.  And I was like, "I still love that smile."  And she was like, "Me too as much as I love you."  And I was like, "I love you too."  And Karen went out the front door and I went to my class and got my books and then went to my next class.

II. That eye color saying thing. Air bubbles.  Elvis.  Pony tails

Karen mentioned about the eye color thing and she said, "How did that go again?".  And I was like, "If your eyes are brown, you are full of it, and if your eyes are blue, you are a quart low."  And I think Karen said something like, "Tom's eyes are blue, but I think it is because he has an air bubble in there somewhere."  And I was like, "I hadn't thought of that.  Could be."

At some point I also mentioned to Karen, "Remember how you always thought that Elvis was my dad.  Well, I had a school physical last year and my doctor told me that I was born breach and my mom was a virgin when I was born."  And Karen was like, "Anyone else and that would just freak me out, but with you that makes sense.  It figures.  Actually, that explains a lot.  Are you sure about that?"  And I was like, "Positive.  My doctor told me probably a couple days after you got married.  I guess that explains why I've never been normal or whatever."  And Karen was like, "I think normal is overrated too.  Welcome to the club" or something like that.  And of course Karen and I didn't have much 'private time' and kids started coming around again so we got back to serious cuddling and such.

And of course a new saying, "People wear pony tails so that if their head gets stuck up their butt, others have something to pull their head back out again with."  In all honesty, Karen usually wore her hair in a braided pony tail in the back and she looked great.  Karen wore very little makeup and her freckles made her face shine bright.  Karen also wore brightly colored pastel sun dresses.  Most people thought Karen was in her late teens or early 20s (23 at most) because Karen just had a glow about her that gave her a youthful and attractive appearance.  I have no idea who's idea it was for Karen's "Made In America" album videos to try and make Karen appear middle aged.  No one that saw Karen at the high school would have guessed that Karen was the one in the "Touch Me When We're Dancing" videos.  Even I have a hard time believing it is Karen in those videos.  But then too, the "statues" video definitely has a type of 'sex sells protest' feel to it which I believe both Karen and Richard were tired of all the 'sex sells' hype at the time.  If women can bare it all, why can't men bare it all too?  Why is all of this 'sex sells' stuff only aimed at women?  Great video.  [Side note, I think I remember Karen saying something like, "there were a bunch of complaints about the statue video and the guy's schlong hanging out.  Only a couple people mentioned anything about the bare breasts (Karen would on occasion say cleavage, but most times Karen used the word bosoms.  That's why I am pretty sure she said breasts on this one).  Because of the complaints, they had us make another video".  And me of course, "Doesn't the record company know that sex sells?  It was only statues.  It's just art, but still...  But then too maybe the video wasn't sexy enough because as a statue he was hard, but his schlong wasn't really hard.  Maybe that was it."  And I think Karen said (with a giggle in her voice), "my thoughts exactly but we made another video anyway without the statues."]

III. I was only gone a little over a half hour

I remember the one time that I came out after an exam and Karen had tears just streaming down her face and I said, "What happened?  Are you all right?"  And Karen said, "I'm sorry, I missed you.  I couldn't help it."  And I was like, "Aw, I missed you too.  I love you so much."  And then we embraced and liplocked and then I assumed the position against the wall and Karen climbed on top.  Then I said, "Are you sure you're OK?"  And she said, "I'm OK now."  And within a minute later she was out like a light with her arms wrapped around me again and my arms wrapped around her.  A couple of the others asked, "What happened?  Is she all right?  We were all talking and then she just started crying."  And I was like, "She's tired and she missed me.  She's fine now but she needs some rest.  Her visitor, period, takes a lot out of her and she gets emotional sometimes."  And a couple minutes later I zonked out too.

IV. Hiding out

Another time I came out of an exam and Karen was hiding out in the auditorium.  I had told Karen earlier that day that the legal age in New York was 18 and not 16 like in California.  A police officer came into the school and Karen got nervous so she ducked into the auditorium and hid just inside the auditorium door.  When I came around by the trophy case, Karen opened the door and told me she saw a police officer come into the school and the officer started asking people questions and then she got nervous and hid.  There was a car parked out front that wasn't supposed to be sitting there and the cop had just came in to the school to see if he could find the person and have them move the car.  I also told Karen after that, that if it had been something else that both of my parents worked about 5 minutes away and that they would definitely say that Karen had their permission to be with me aka 'parental consent'.  I told Karen that because she wasn't a teacher now that she didn't have to worry about the teacher and student stuff any more.  Honestly, no one really thought Karen was that much older than me so no one really thought much about it or asked about it.  Plus Karen and I were happily engaged and Karen had a ring on her finger to prove it.  Karen and I were fine together.  Nobody really bothered Karen and me except to wake me up for an exam or that one time that I was snoring and they didn't want me waking Karen up, which wasn't a bother really, but more of a necessity.

V. The aftermax recollection

Karen also brought up Max again.  Karen was like, "I know Max was a sore spot with you, but I was glad it worked out the way it did.  What did we call ourselves?"  And I was like, "The walking wounded."  And Karen was like, "I remember.  I was definitely sore and bruised for a couple days and you were hobbling around too with sympathy pains."  And I was like, "Actually, I pulled a groin muscle when I reached over your desk and grabbed him.  We were both a sorry sight afterwards and I remember how the other kids thought we had had sex as being the reason why we were in such bad shape."  She was like, "I remember that too.  I just saw an arm come over my book rack and then Max wasn't there anymore and the building shook and it felt like an earthquake and stuff just fell off the walls and glass breaking and all that.  I had heard about adrenaline rushes from people before then but I got to see one first hand.  I remember the kids talking and such too.  I just didn't feel like arguing afterwards, so I just let them talk."  And I was like, "I didn't feel like arguing either, so I let them talk too."  And Karen was like, "I was very grateful that you didn't hit him because I know you would have killed him, but I always wondered why you stopped and let him go."  And I was like, "After he hit the wall, I saw the look in his eyes and he knew it was all over.  He knew if I hit him he was done.  And then I heard you say no Ace don't.  That was what saved him.  But I let him go because I felt that everyone should be given a chance to make amends for their mistakes.  And the reason why I was always so upset about Max is because after I let him go and gave him his chance, he threatened to have you arrested and told me not to tell on him.  I don't regret giving him his chance, but he definitely blew it with me and that is why I couldn't forgive him if you remember.  No way, not after that."  And Karen was like, "I saw Max and he apologized and said he just lost his head that time because he knew that you loved me, but he just didn't understand why you didn't have sex with me.  After you cussed him out, he understood and felt really bad about it.  I was so proud of you for standing up for me and saying all those wonderful things to Max about me.  Your words hurt Max worst than any beating could have ever done."  And of course Karen and I started making out with each other and lost our train of thought after that.  Come to think of it, we were making out before this conversation took place as well.  We really didn't talk much in June 1981.  We were usually either making out with each other, doing "The Couples Show", or sleeping (we didn't nap; we slept.  You don't nap through loud buzzer alarms going off) together with our arms wrapped around each other.

VI. Smoking

I had started smoking not too long before Karen came back around.  I had only been smoking a couple months and not too heavily, maybe two packs a week.  When Karen first came back around, on June 15, we went to the corner a couple times and I grabbed a smoke there with the other kids that were smokers.  After Monday, June 15, I did not smoke when Karen was around again.  Karen actually didn't say a word about it and she was actually fine with it, but I wasn't fine with it.  And honestly, it wasn't because of Karen the singer or that kind of stuff, but it was because with Karen around, I honestly did not feel like smoking anymore.  I would rather be inside cuddling up with Karen and stuff like that than polluting my lungs or such.  After Karen was around me for just a short time (3 or 4 hours) the urge for me to smoke just disappeared.  No lectures or any of that stuff, I just quit because I really didn't feel like it and I had better things to do now.  Would you rather spend your time kissing and hugging and cuddling up with someone truly very special or waste your time burning money away and smelling like an ashtray?  Me too.  That's why I quit smoking for a while.  Think about it more which is what I did.  You have this great pair of sizzling lips and an awesome cuddler right there in front of you and this stupid thing getting in the way of you having a great time.

VII. Made In America

Karen also mentioned that her and Richard had a new album coming out and I mentioned that I had already heard the new song "Touch Me When We're Dancing" on the radio.  And Karen was like, "Actually Richard and I heard that song and thought it was good so we did it like usual.  I told them about the story of you and me dancing and you calling me an osprey."  And I was like, "I remember, I called you an ostrich because you buried your head in your arms like an ostrich that time."  And Karen was like, "Oh shoot, I guess I messed that story up a little and that kind of explains the funny look they gave me but they still kind of laughed a little about it.  I'm kind of wondering now if they laughed because I mixed up osprey with ostrich.  Oh well.  There's another song on there called I Believe You by the Addrissi brothers and Tom asks if the songs are written about him.  I tell him yes most of the time just to shut him up.  You know how it is though.  Usually the song is just written already and I just tell people about what I feel my motivation is behind singing the song a particular way or choosing a particular song to sing.  I don't actually write songs myself.  Once in a great while, like with Rock With You, I provide kind of a story to use for a possible song, but I'm not much of a poet myself."

VIII. A little excitement?

At some point during her 1981 visit, Karen mentioned that when she went back home that there had been a bit of excitement in the Corning area in December of 1980.  Karen also commented that when it hit the news out there in California and because Karen's family in California had known Karen was in Corning New York, they figured that Karen probably knew these people as Karen had a habit of seeking out the 'black sheep' so to speak.  So Karen and I talked about the Corning shootout that happened on December 5, 1980 in Corning New York, where the Comfort brothers, Joseph and Larry had shot two undercover police officers.  Corning is a small area of 12,500 people, but still big enough where you don't know everybody in a year.  I knew that Karen had never met the Comfort brothers, but Karen wasn't quite sure so she asked.  Karen also refreshed my memory because when she was in Corning from September 6, 1978 to June 22, 1979 there was talk in the town about a guy named Bill, that had two sons that Karen knew (Brian and Tim), and Bill had been arrested for counterfeiting after Bill was found with a printing press in his basement that Bill used to make counterfeit money with.  Brian and Tim were students that Karen knew and Karen knew that Brian had problems because of an accident at a local parade and Brian was hit with a rifle butt and had head trauma but Brian was doing better but learning at a slower rate.  Brian and Tim also had a sister, Mary, that would talk with Karen at times as well.  Brian's brother Tim was another story and Tim was a handful even without his father getting into trouble.  Several times Karen had to separate Tim from fighting with a guy named Fran.  Tim and Fran had both been held back in school.  Such a lively town with a history was Corning New York during the late 1970s and early 1980s.  As Karen was noticing, she was kind of turning into her mother and if someone had a problem, Karen would always listen and then she would start talking your ear off about it.  Karen started loving solving problems by sharing her experiences with others and others sharing their experiences with her without others knowing she was a celebrity of sorts.  Karen did know quite a few people in the area expecially after being an 8th grade english teacher plus people that her relatives in the area knew as well.  But in a small area...  So Karen and I talked a little.  I told Karen that I was actually there when it happened and I saw what happened, but I had just turned 16 the day before so the police chief did not want me as a witness because of my age at the time.  But the Comforts lived down at the end of Third Street and just around the corner from where Bill lived.  Nice neighborhood huh.  My grandfather and my cousins Becky and Carla lived about 4 houses down from where the Comfort's parents, Ed and Norma, lived.  Ed and Norma were probably a couple of the nicest people you ever wanted to meet, but their sons Larry and Joe were the opposite and constantly getting into fights and such.  But I knew that Karen had not met Joe or Larry Comfort while she was in the area.  I knew them a little bit in 1978 as I was a scorekeeper and Larry was asked to be an assistant manager to a team as part of his probation.  I also explained that there was some stuff not leaked out and that Karen probably knew a couple of Joe's and Larry's relatives, but not Joe and Larry themselves.  Karen knew Ed and Lois that rented upstairs from my parents.  We lived next door to the Glossars (Marge from the sneaking incident) and their oldest son, Jack Glossar married Linda Comfort.  The police chief, Dick Faulisi, was married to Patty Comfort.  So there was a larger mess under the surface and the police chief had warned Joe and Larry that if something happened, chief Faulisi would make sure that Joe and Larry spent the rest of their days behind bars (hint too, chief Faulisi was one of several town drunks but did not do drugs.  Joe and Larry were drug dealers).  Shooting two undercover police officers was definitely something and Joe and Larry were kept behind bars (I think Larry got out 3 months before he passed away from cancer I believe).  But it had shocked Karen when she first heard the news about the shooting as Karen had always known Corning to be a quiet and friendly area.  And Karen still saw Corning as a quiet and friendly area when she returned in mid June 1981.  Karen did know the children of a guy that made his own money in his basement, but Karen didn't know the cop killers.  Corning is a small area, but just big enough where there is a little elbow room if you need it.  Yes, Karen and I were both street smart enough to find trouble, and street smart enough to avoid real trouble when the need arose.  Like Karen said to me, "I saw those two guys riding around in that Corvette so I figured they were trouble and Wendy told me they were trouble so I avoided them.  I can tell people I saw them but I didn't really know them because I could tell they were trouble."

IX. Karen and I and the 'couples hangout'

Karen and I were seen many times at the school after this.  I was age 16 and Karen was age 31 and I became known as "Karen's old man" at the school.  Honestly, despite the actual age difference, Karen and I looked only a year or two apart when we were together.  The secretary said that Karen could wait for me in the lobby any time.  I would see Karen and then Karen and I would usually start holding hands and then sit down in front of the trophy case.  I would 'assume the position' which was sitting and reclining against the wall.  My back against the wall and my butt about a foot or so away from the wall.  Karen and I would then cuddle up and hug together and hold hands and kiss and such.  At times, Karen wore cherry flavored lipstick too which was awesome.  Karen and I joked around too and wondered if they made onion flavored lipstick for Tom. 

Karen's ring stood out and a lot of times the upper classpeople (classmen, classwomen) would start coupling up and sitting around us.  Under the trophy case kind of became "couples hangout" at the school.  Originally it was just Karen and me.  By the end of the week there were probably around twelve couples gathered around the trophy case and all of us chatting together and talking about stuff much like back in the 8th grade days with Karen and me in Karen's classroom.  And the others would see the ring on Karen's finger and would ask, "Are you two engaged?" and we would answer, "Yes".  And of course, "Congratulations.  That's a beautiful ring."  And Karen would say, "It's a cubic zirconia.  It looks real but it isn't."  (Of course it was actually real, but at about three quarters of a karat, it would definitely draw the wrong attention to Karen and me). 

One of the teachers was actually a gem enthusiast and asked to examine Karen's ring.  We were like "OK, but we have a confession to make first.  Yes, the ring is real.  Do you promise not to tell." because we knew the jig was up with him.  He pulled out his eye piece and said, "I know it's real and I also know that ring from a story a while ago in a magazine about [name] gem cutter and how he used the flaw to enhance the diamond.  That is a one of a kind piece.  I always wanted to see that ring and now I have.  Thanks.  I promise not to tell that it's real." 

One time, it was just Karen and I sitting there, side by side, and talking and holding hands together (we usually locked our fingers together).  Karen had been standing and waiting there for me to get out of my exam in the morning.  On my way to the exam I had ran across Renee Araujo who was in my french class and I said hi to her.  After the exam, Karen told me how she had seen my thoughts and asked me about talking to Renee.  And I was like, "She's in my french class.  I was just being nice and saying hi to her.  As you know from my thoughts, I don't think of her that way.  She's a nice person so I just said hi was all."  And Karen was like, "I know because I saw you flip through all those people including my cousin Patti until you figured out who she was.  Watch who you get friendly with but I know you're telling me the truth about her.  But remember too, you can't hide from me and I'll know if you start thinking of someone else and you know I'll make you pay for it if you do.  Watch your step."  And then we sat down side by side and I said something like, "I love you so much." and then Karen said something like, "I know.  Me too." and then Karen just started crying.  I asked, "Are you alright?"  And she said, "I just realized that it's really you and you're really here again and I'm just so happy.  I can't help it.  I've missed you so much."  And I was like, "I know what you mean.  I have been missing you so much and now we're together and it just doesn't seem real.  We've never really been able to be together without some major obstacle causing problems.  Being able to just sit here and relax with you is just too wonderful to describe.  I love you too."  And we are still side by side and she is still crying.  Then a guy walks around the corner and sees her crying and yells out, "Hey you, take your hands off her.  Can't you see she's crying?"  I said, "I know she's crying, but if I take my hands away from her she'll cry even more?  She's not hurt or sad, she's actually happy."  And he said, "She sure don't sound happy to me.  I said take your hands off of her or else and I mean it."  And then Karen raises her hand up with the ring on her finger and the guy says, "Oh sorry, I didn't realize.  You two got engaged?"  And I was like, "Yes.  Come on over.  We don't bite."  And I put my hand up in the air and motioned for him to come over and he did.  And when he came over I shook his hand and said, "Thanks for being concerned about her.  I really appreciate it.  I would have probably done the same thing myself.  No need to be sorry.  Thank you."  And he said, "That's a big rock on her finger."  And I was like, "It's a cubic zirconia and not a real diamond, but it's still beautiful like her."  And he said, "I can't argue with that.  Thanks and congratulations to you two."  And Karen and I both said, "Thanks."  and then he left and I gave him the thumbs up and Karen just rolled her head over onto my chest and wrapped her arms around me and we both cuddled up and closed our eyes for a bit enjoying the moment.  Men tend to get upset when they don't know how to express their feelings.  Women tend to cry when they don't know how to express their feelings.  Karen was just beyond happy and it showed. 

And then another time, Karen and I just cuddled up and went to sleep together in our usual spot.  The secretary came out later and woke us up after she finished work and before she left for the night (either 6 or 8 PM).  We probably would have been there all night if she hadn't woke us up.  Karen and I were still just that comfortable with each other.  We both also drooled in our sleep, a lot.  My shirt was usually kind of soaked in drool in spots by the end of the day.  I soaked my collar and my shoulder and Karen soaked my chest.  We were still definitely a lot alike. 

Also, Karen used the 'count the days' method for knowing when her period (menstrual cycle) would happen and as her form of 'birth control'.  This time around her period was really difficult.  For the week Karen and I were around each other, Karen was having a rough time.  Karen would take some Midol pills and then cuddle up with me under the trophy case and usually fall asleep with me.  She would put her arms around my neck and then rest her head against my chest (because she said she liked listening to me breathe and listening to my heart beat and hearing my heart beat helped her relax about her arrhythmia enough to just fall asleep) and she would usually be sound asleep within five to ten minutes of cuddling up with me. 

On the last day, Karen was doing better again and tried to apologize for the rough week she had.  She also said, "What was the school name again?"  And I was like, "Corning Free Academy, but we also called it Corning Freak Asylum"  And Karen was like, "Back at CFA my visitor usually happened on the weekends so you didn't see me this way.  Maybe only a couple times."  And then she said, "Is there anything I can do to help make it up to you?"  And I said, "You already have.  You were feeling miserable and you still spent your time with me.  What more could I ask for?"  And she said, "But I wasn't good company."  And I was like, "Says who?  Oops, that's right, you just said so.  Sorry, you're right as usual.  You weren't good company; you were great company.  And yes, I still love seeing you smile again even if I have to sleep with you some more.  Is there something wrong with saying I slept with Karen Carpenter and she feels better now?  Don't answer that.  I just caught myself.  I promise not to tell on me if you promise not to tell on you."  And yes, she smiled.  And after she smiled, the old familiar words, "smart ass", just rolled out of her mouth.

X. June 18, 1981? Our last day together?

On our last day together, Karen and I were under the trophy case as usual and through the front doors of the school came Karen's husband Tom.  Tom rushed right in and grabbed Karen by the arm and started dragging her out the door saying, "You're coming with me." among other things.  Karen then saw me stand up from against the wall and Karen had the 'uh oh' look on her face because she knew I was getting upset about her being dragged across the floor.  Karen then said to Tom, "Let me go.  I will go with you if you only let me talk to him first."  And Tom let go and Karen came over and just said to me, "I hope you remember what I said to you, I really meant it.  I'll be back soon."  And I was like, "You know I always mean what I say too.  I'll always love you."  And then Karen turned around and walked out with Tom. 

There was also a couple couples sitting near us as the trophy case became the 'couples hangout' at the school.  I remember the one guy sitting next to me saying, "If you love her, you should fight for her.  Why would you let him just take her like that?"  And I was like, "You don't understand; that is her husband, but he did some bad things and she doesn't love him anymore and she can't forgive him for what he did."  And he was like, "I think I understand now.  That makes more sense.  Sometimes you have to go through some bad things before you can realize how good you can have it.  I feel bad for her.  That guy seems like a jerk.  She's such a sweetheart to everybody and she deserves better than that."  And I was like, "Yes, and we all can make mistakes, but a bigger mistake for me would have been to try and interfere between her and her husband.  That would anger him and cause her more problems than she already has.  So long as he did not physically hit her or such, I was not going to intervene.  Karen is a big girl and can take care of herself for the most part.  Karen has to wait a year before she can file for a divorce which would be in August this year at the earliest.  In the meantime, it is better if Karen and I have some patience and try not to make her situation any worst than it is.  That is also why Karen and I stayed out here in plain view so that people couldn't accuse us of stuff.  In all honesty, Karen and I were the ones that picked out the rings in 1979 that Karen and her husband Tom got married with in 1980.  Back then, Karen thought she would never be able to see me again." 

I am not sure now if Tom brought her back to the school or not.  I keep thinking that Karen came back, but I am not sure as it has been 38 years now and counting.  For some reason I keep thinking that Karen came back and had tears in her eyes and said something like, "You didn't tell them did you?"  And I was like, "I finally told them you were in a bad marriage because I think they found that out now.  I also told them that you had to wait a year after getting married to get a divorce.  Everyone was kind of shocked because you have been so happy that they didn't think anything was wrong.  That's about it unless there was something else that you could think of."  And Karen had a look of relief and was like, "Thanks, I was hoping to tell them myself but I guess it couldn't be helped.  Tom brought me back and said I could stay here.  I just started crying in the car and saying that we are surrounded by a bunch of kids and just talking.  We can't do anything with a bunch of kids hanging around us and where am I going to go?  Why won't you let me stay with him?  It's been over between us and you know it and you know why.  But if you want, I can tell you why so that your son can hear it too and hear why his mom divorced you too.  Is that what you want from me now?  And so here I am.  And Tom said he would pick me up later."  And it seems like everyone was glad to see her back under the trophy case again after seeing her being dragged off earlier and finding out she was still legally married to a guy that she didn't love anymore.  It seemed like everyone was so supportive and giving Karen hugs and such.  And it seems like I remember Karen saying, "I love all of you so much and I feel so loved when I'm around you.  Thank you so much.  I am going to miss you guys after the school year is over."  And I think they said back something like, "We are going to miss you too Honey.  Too bad you couldn't send Smart Ass instead.  We'd rather miss him than you."  And I think I said something like, "Gee, thanks guys, you really know how to make a guy feel loved."  And then everyone looked over at Karen and then Karen looked at me with a big smile on her face and finally said, "Smart ass" in her usual way.  So yes, it is definitely true that no one likes a smart ass except possibly Karen Carpenter; I should know.  And then everyone laughed and then we got back to some serious cuddling. 

Tom stopped by later and came in and picked Karen up.  Tom came over and said something like, "When I got back, Wendy filled me in that you saved her life before.  Sorry about earlier.  I didn't know.  She never told me about it.  Thank you." and Tom and I shook hands.  And Karen and I kind of had a blank stare and then I was like, "Actually, Karen and I kind of forgot about that." or something like that.  And Tom's jaw just dropped and he was like, "How could you forget about something like that?"  And I think I pulled Tom closer and I kind of whispered, "People here don't know that she's Karen Carpenter and we worry more about people finding that out than whether or not I saved her life or whatever."  And then I think I spoke up and said something like, "Yeah, Karen and I have so many great stories to tell that we kind of forgot about that one.  But one time Karen thought she dropped her pen in the road and I grabbed her before she went in the road and almost got hit by a car.  It really wasn't that big of a deal.  It was just one of those things that happened and Karen's cousin Wendy came out and saw us crying together by the store because I almost lost her.  Sometimes you never realize what you have until after you almost lose it." or something like that.  And then I think Tom and Karen left the school after Karen said her goodbyes and such.  Earlier that day, Karen and I agreed that to avoid any complications in her divorce and to avoid any possible 'adultery' allegations or such against Karen by Tom, that Karen and I would not contact each other until her divorce was final.  We did that.  Karen also asked me if I had an old shirt that smelled like me that she could sleep in to help remind her of me until her divorce went through.  I don't remember which shirt now, but I did give her one of my shirts that she took with her when she left.  She hid it under her dress so that Thomas wouldn't see it when he picked her up.

XI. The Couples Show

Karen and I got a lot of questions about being a couple and such.  We developed a routine together after the first day.  Karen was having a rough time with her menstrual cycle (period / 'visitor') and she would come in and take a couple Midols and crawl up on me and sleep for a little bit with her arms around my neck and her head against my chest.  I would usually have to wake her up when I had to go to an exam and I always hated to wake her up because I knew she was exhausted.  But, at times I would feel bad about it and wake her up and take my exam and I would usually be back within a half hour.  I would be like, "I'd rather take a zero than wake her up.  She's so peaceful and resting comfortably and having such a hard time with her period."  And the guys would be like, "Don't worry about it.  You'll be back soon and we'll keep an eye on her for you.  She'll be fine."  Afterwards, Karen would usually be wide awake and many times someone new would start hanging out under the trophy case.  Because Karen was exhausted many times, I did a lot of the talking about things and Karen usually threw in a bunch of "smart asses" which kind of became my nickname around the trophy case.  And really, the less Karen talked, the less likely people were to recognize her as being Karen Carpenter.  Actually, most people knew Karen as Honey.  And we would start out with (either of us might say this), "Hi everyone.  When we started out as a couple, we had a whole bunch of things to learn and no one to really ask about it.  So if you have any questions, just shout it out any time and we'll work on it.  In the meantime, just sit back, relax, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the show."  And then I would start out with, "So anyway, the first thing is we're Karen and Ace.  We're a couple.  Karen and Ace, and the reason Karen and Ace is because she comes first and then I can roll over and go to sleep.  Karen and Ace.  Otherwise, she's up all night and I never hear the end of it."  And Karen would be, "You got that right smart ass".  And I had one of the guys that was a 'smart ass' fan so to speak.  He would say stuff like, "Go get 'em smart ass" and "Watch your step smart ass you should know better by now" and my favorite, "If this house is a rocking, don't come a knocking" and stuff like that.  And then I would continue, "The first thing that guys need to learn is that she is always right.  Right Honey?"  And she would be, "If you know what's good for you, you'd better know I'm right and admit it smart ass."  And I would continue, "There are dire consequences for not following this rule.  The shortest distance between two lines is the couch.  The couch actually isn't too bad once you get used to it, but there's always that one spring that keeps you up all night.  But this is if you're lucky.  Remember, you did something wrong and now you're going to pay for it if you know what's good for you, right Honey?"  And she was like, "Right smart ass."  I would continue, "If you mess up again, then the dog house and it just goes downhill after that.  Guys, try not to mess up.  Also remember, high heels can be used like boomerangs.  Think about it.  If she throws something at you, let it hit you.  Your bones will probably heal faster than being able to get a new TV because you were stupid and thought that ducking was a good idea.  It isn't.  Women love to pamper a guy that's been hurt.  Your bones heal.  That picture window doesn't heal and now you have to replace it and learn all these new words just because you thought you were being smart and ducked.  You weren't so smart were you?"  And Karen would be like, "See what you get for being a smart ass and ducking.  Is it really worth it?"  And I would continue, "Definitely DO NOT ARGUE WITH A WOMAN.  Remember rule number one, she is always right.  It saves on a lot of aggravation and couch springs.  Watch."  And Karen would say, "You know that new bowling ball you wanted, well the curling iron bit the dust and I need a new bathrobe and slippers."  And I would say, "Now guys, I know that you're thinking that she looks better naked and curly hair really isn't that important, but remember your priorities.  It can get lonely on the couch all the time.  Trust me.  I'm a smart ass.  I know.  She's fine.  She has the bed because if she doesn't have the bed then she'll get a bad back and you'll never hear the end of that either.  One of these days she'll feel sorry for you and you can get that bowling ball, but until Hell freezes over, you are going to have to be patient and wait.  And I think this is a good time to bring up priorites.  There are two kinds of priorities, wants and needs.  Actually, Karen and I when we got back together we had a big fight and almost broke up because of wants and needs.  Karen wanted a lover and I wanted a companion.  It doesn't match does it?  Remember, don't argue with a woman.  She had two strikes on her and I had two and a half strikes and we were both ready to call it quits because we weren't getting what we wanted.  And then I looked at the problem again and I said, you know, you want a lover and I want a companion, but I think we both need a lover and a companion.  You have two points for acting like a slut and I have two and a half points for that horrible tonsilectomy I gave you and saying slut to you.  But we both want something, but I think we need something even better.  You want a lover and I want a companion, but I think we both need a lover that's a companion too."  And Karen was like, "Then I just said, can we start over?"  And then I said, "We went from sparks and flames to nukes and supernovas.  Take care of your needs first.  You are always going to want something sometime, but if you need something and don't get it you can be up sh*t crick and she'll definitely shove that paddle somewhere where the Sun don't shine."  And Karen would say, "And you'll be walking funny too, right smart ass?"  And then I would continue, "And speaking of which, guys, how would you feel if you had someone over top of you just beating on you relentlessly then rolling over and falling asleep when they're done.  This is the woman you love.  Enjoy every moment you get even with a paddle shoved up your ass.  Think of what you're doing and how would you feel if it was being done back to you?  Love only goes so far, because if you really love someone, they know how you feel and you know how they feel.  It's a two way street.  Everybody's different and it takes a little while to get used to someone.  Karen and I were around each other for 9 months and in that 9 months things just kept getting better and better between us, but some people around us started behaving worst and worst.  Karen and I love making each other feel better.  Others liked trying to make others feel miserable.  Karen and I had more than enough problems to feel miserable about if we wanted to feel that way, but we loved making each other smile and we really loved seeing each other smile too.  And it was weird too because many times we didn't think we could be any happier than we were, but somehow it happened.  All because we love to make each other happier.  We learned to work together to make each other happier."  And Karen and I would just go on and on and talk about different things that happened and how we dealt with stuff and such.  We definitely threw in a bit of humor too because we realized that a lot of times people remember jokes better than just saying things and trying to memorize a bunch of stuff that didn't seem very fun.  Rolling pins, baseball bats, bazookas, and all I remember was hearing 'you son of a b*tch' and then I slipped and fell down the stairs right into the dog house.  And we would talk about going from being single to being with someone and all the ups and downs of adjusting.  We didn't have kids ourselves, but we also talked about making kids a priority in a way, but not spoiling them and trying to teach them how to do things on their own.  With kids, you want to teach them to do for themselves and take the patience it needs to let them work it out at their own pace which is the tough part.  If you do it for them, they don't learn how to be able to take care of themselves and that leads to kids having more problems if they figure everyone will always do everything for them.  We would also talk about 'sex signals' where instead of saying something out right, you would just rub your finger a certain way to let your partner know or such.  Sometimes, you can't always tell.  And Karen would be like, "Well, I don't have that problem with Ace.  I can always tell.  It's kind of hard, sorry about that, to miss."  And we would always try to work in 'work together' as being essential.  "If we work together, we can get things done quicker and that leaves more time for other things.  And time is the key to a lasting relationship.  Because with a good relationship, time always seems to fly by and you keep hoping that time will last and continue, where as with a bad relationship, time seems to drag on and you keep hoping for it to be over soon but it never is."  We would also talk about jealousy and Karen would admit that she would get jealous and Karen would say that I didn't get jealous.  And we talked about the reason behind jealousy and people feeling inferior or superior to others and how Karen and I found out that when we thought of each other as equals that the jealousy went away.  We both cared a lot about each other but Karen would get worried about me finding someone else and such because of her past experiences.  And that was the problem with jealousy, you think about losing someone instead of enjoying the times you have together.  And as far as myself, I explained, "I only want Karen to be happy and Karen is a people person.  If Karen were to find someone else, I still wish for her to be happy even if she wasn't with me.  But we both noticed that neither one of us was happy without the other.  Karen and I were apart for about two years and absence makes the heart grow fonder.  But with Karen being a people person, I know Karen is going to meet other people.  It's Karen's nature to make as many friends as possible and talk to as many people as possible as you've noticed.  Karen would not be happy cooped up by herself with no one but me or herself to talk to.  And Karen and I both realize that the more people we talk to, the more ideas we get, and the better we feel.  But after meeting others and such, we still have that special bond between us where we enjoy coming back to that someone special after we've been away from each other.  We are just so comfortable with each other because we know each other like the backs of our hands.  But that's us and everyone is different, so what works for one may not work for others.  And sometimes it may not work at all and you may need to move on to something that works.  The grass may seem greener on the other side, but a lot of times when you get to the other side, the fertilizer smells funny.  You need to find what works best for you and yours.  And no one likes a smart ass so why does Karen worry about someone taking her old man?"  And Karen would be like, "I know, but I miss you and I don't want to lose you again smart ass."  And we would always throw in, "We found out through our own experiences that when you try and help others you end up helping yourself too.  A lot of times we noticed people were having problems because after being a couple, they didn't really talk too much to other people either because someone was jealous or not enough time or such.  And when you talk to others, you get different ideas as different people have different experiences.  We like it when people share experiences together and learn from each other.  And no matter how much you think you know, there's always someone out there that may know something different that you could learn from."  We got caught too with a question.  Nancy asked Karen and me if we were actually like that at home and I confessed that "Karen and I actually only see each other at the school and not outside school.  We don't really do that stuff to each other."  And of course I would bring up how Karen wasn't feeling too well because of her 'monthly visitor' as she called it, and how I really enjoyed her cuddling up on me and taking naps and such.  I knew she wasn't feeling well and at times I would feel kind of guilty because I was enjoying the fact that we were so comfortable together and we could just cuddle up and fall asleep about anywhere together.  And at times, Karen really didn't understand that I really did enjoy just holding her in my arms and falling asleep together.  Honestly, to this day, Karen is still the only woman that I have been able to fall asleep with.

XII. Cousin Patricia's Graduation

Friday, June 19, 1981 was a short day and the final half day of school for the 1980 - 1981 school year.  I am pretty sure (but not positive now) that graduation ceremonies for the graduating class of 1981 were held on Saturday, June 20, 1981.  I remember riding my bicycle by the school stadium on the day of graduation ceremonies for 1981 and thinking that I would be unable to see Karen because I figured Karen's husband would be there with Karen.  While I rode around the stadium entrance, Karen saw me and a couple of the 'couples' people saw me as well and yelled down for me to come up with them.  I locked my bike up and went to the entrance to get in.  Of course you need a ticket to get into the ceremonies and I didn't have one.  But being resourceful and 'street smart' as Karen put it, Karen handed me her ticket through the railing, which I used to get in, then they hand you the ticket back, which I gave back to Karen after I got in.  It worked out well.  After getting in, we went to the back of the stadium.  I did not see Karen's husband Tom either which was a kind of relief.  And yes, Karen and I were glad to see each other again.  A few of the couples from the couples hangout were glad to see Karen and I together again too.  Several of the couples were graduating, but there was still 3 or 4 couples that weren't graduating and were just kind of hanging out.  There was one guy in particular (I think his name was Steve, but not sure, it could have been Alan) was a guy that liked dirty jokes.  Karen knew a lot of dirty jokes over the years too.  So this guy and Karen had been swapping dirty jokes back and forth while I was busy with my exams during the week.  Karen had told me all about it and that Karen was still holding back the better dirty jokes for later.  You know, dirty jokes.  Stuff like, "Why does a woman have two holes close together?  So that when she gets drunk, you can carry her home like a six pack" or "How do you make a woman scream during sex?  Wipe your dick on the curtains" or "What's your flow like?  Linoleum." or "What is grosser than gross?  Biting into a hot dog and finding a vein" or "What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls?  Walk him so you can pitch to the rhino", stuff like that.  As an inside joke, Karen and Alan (I'm pretty sure now it was Alan and not Steve, but still not positive) numbered the jokes and when the other kids would walk by, Karen and Alan would say something like, "He looks like a number 6" or "She looks like a number 17?" and they would both laugh about it together.  They both had a great time with it too and they became good friends.  But we were up there out of the way and kind of reliving the good old days of the couples hangout days.  The stadium was starting to fill up, but there was still a bit of room left yet.  So we kind of had the area to ourselves with a little breathing room.  Next, I am pretty sure it was Karen's husband, Tom, that yells out, "Hey, look, it's Karen Carpenter!" and we see people looking around and it looked like Karen's husband's son was the one that stood up pointing at Karen and me.  Of course Karen and I are looking around and the others are looking around too, and then a couple of the others notice that people are coming our way.  Then the other couples kind of look at Karen and me and then... [Steve or Alan? Austin] says, "No way.  Karen Carpenter's a dork.  You're not a dork, you're cool... I didn't mean it that way, but you?" or something like that.  And Karen shook her head yes and then I think she gave him a hug and I think she said something like, "Thank you.  That's probably one of the best compliments I've ever got."  And I think his face turned beet red as he realized he had been swapping dirty jokes with squeaky clean Karen Carpenter and maybe she wasn't so squeaky clean after all.  And then they see people coming our way so the couples go, "Don't worry, we got your backs covered like always."  And then we came up with a funny plan.  When the people got there we would say, "What's the password?" just to throw them off a little bit.  The password if I remember right was "I don't know".  It seemed easy enough to guess and if they couldn't guess it, we'd tell them, "Pssst, the password is I don't know".  But that way it gave the people a chance to talk a little with Karen and such without it getting too messy with too many people all at once.  A lot of them asked who Karen was there for and Karen said, "My cousin Patricia Carpenter" and some people stayed in the area and others went back to other areas.  But now about cousin Patti.  Patti was a year behind in school.  Patti had some trouble learning some things and started almost giving up feeling like she was never going to graduate.  Patti had to work extra hard to work around the learning block that she had.  It was difficult, but cousin Karen and her family were not going to let Patti give up on herself.  If it takes extra work then so be it, but keep trying and keep doing the best you can do, but don't give up on yourself.  Patti did not give up and was now going to graduate.  The commencement started and the names started being read off and kids started getting their diplomas.  Karen clapped for each person that had their name read and she would do her pinky whistle for the ones she personally knew.  And if you hadn't guessed yet, when the name Patricia Carpenter was read off, there were loud whistles, yells, and applause throughout the stadium and a standing ovation.  And of course with the standing ovation, Karen couldn't really see from where she was.  Yes, Karen got up on my shoulders and she could definitely see and be seen up there.  I made the comment, "Nice" and Karen commented back, "I went commando."  The other couples did the same thing as well with the girls getting up on the guy's shoulders (I think Karen was the only commando though).  And the principal said, "Looks like you've got quite a fan club out there.  Would you like to say a few words" or something like that (not sure now exactly).  And Karen and I started cracking Gerald Ford jokes as Patti went up to the microphone.  And Patti had tears in her eyes as she was so happy and you could hear her tears when she said "Thank you all so very much.  We've all worked so hard to be here and we're so proud that you can be here to share this moment with us and a special thank you to those who wish they could be with us but couldn't because they had other commitments they needed to attend to and I hope you continue your enthusiasm for the others that are graduating as well.  They worked hard too.  Thank you." or something like that (it was difficult to hear her as unlike her cousin Karen or myself, the scorekeeper and announcer, Patti wasn't used to using a microphone) and she got her diploma and more cheers.  I don't remember Patricia's exact words now, but I do remember that her speech was unplanned, unrehearsed, genuine, and very thoughtful of others.  Short, sweet, and to the point.  The Carpenters as I knew them to be.  And Karen was next to me and said, "She deserves this and more.  She's worked so hard to get this.  I'm so proud of her."  And then Karen does her loud whistle with her pinkies in the corners of her mouth and [Alan / Steve?] joined in as well.  At times too, I would come around and I would start wanting to cuddle up with Karen, but we had all these people wanting autographs and such.  I would rest my head on Karen's shoulder and put my arm around her, then Karen would send me out into the crowd to tell people the password because we both wanted to cuddle but we couldn't, so Karen tried to keep me busy.  A newspaper reporter and cameraman came around as well.  Karen tried to get the cameraman to take a picture of Karen and me together and introduced me as her husband, Ace.  The reporter heard my name, Ace, and said something like, "I know you're not Tom, is your name Bubby by chance?"  And I was like, "It used to be."  And the reporter was like, "You're on the blocked list.  I can't."  And the reporter had a small slip of paper that had maybe three names on it and was smaller than an inch long and about three inches wide.  There were only about 3 or 4 names on the list which I believe included Charles Manson and myself, Bubby.  And Karen gave him a mean face for not taking our picture together.  And the reporter was like, "Please don't be like that.  I can't.  It would be my job.  You don't look or sound like the type Bubby.  I have a feeling I am missing out on a bigger story here.  What did you do to get on this list anyway if you don't mind me asking?"  And I just shook my head no and put my hands out and said, "I don't know."  And then Karen says, "His mother was a virgin when he was born and the Church is afraid of him."  And the reporter says, "That explains it.  That explains a lot actually.  You look more like the type to have a halo than horns."  Then I had an idea, I had Karen sit on my lap so that she would be higher up but also so I would be technically not in the picture.  Then a few of the others got behind Karen and we kind of put our arms up to make it look like Karen had 8 or 10 arms on her.  It was really kind of cool and if the pictures had existed, probably would have made an awesome album cover.  I have a feeling that the media kind of deemed it as too hindu for the Carpenters and probably if they hadn't destroyed the pictures, Richard probably did.  No big deal though.  Understood, but still fun.  I didn't see any pictures, but I know there was a write up in the local paper about Karen Carpenter being at the graduation and being mobbed.  Also, I know Karen asked the reporter if he could forward stuff to her brother because her brother always liked collecting newspaper stories and such about Karen and him.  It would have been probably the June 21st or June 22nd 1981 (Corning) The Leader paper as well as possibly the Elmira Star Gazette also.  After the reporter showed up, Karen's Uncle Jack and Aunt ? showed up as well and sat behind us.  Karen and I heard a familiar gruff italian sounding voice say, "dull rusty butter knives" behind us and Karen went from sitting in my lap to sitting in the seat next to me.  Karen and I weren't quite as rowdy as we were before.  Karen and her Uncle Jack talked for a little bit as privately as possible.  Karen's Uncle Jack talked with me a little bit as well and I remember him saying at the end, "...I don't like him.  He chickened out and had his balls (nuts?) cut off by a doctor before I could get to him...I still remember the day my mother smiled.  She passed away peacefully in her sleep God rest her soul.  You both still have my blessings" and then Karen's Uncle Jack started getting rowdy too with us so I guess it all worked out.  And remember, if you messed up and your balls (nuts?) are still attached, then you don't know Jack (Carpenter).  As far as the 'finger pointer'?  Thanks.  I know it was meant to be mean and create problems for Karen since Karen was not one to like being the center of attention and being mobbed.  But then too, Karen and her cousin Patricia were very happy about the result of an awesome graduation for a person that had worked very hard for that wonderful moment that could never be taken away from her.  And yes, she is Patricia as Patti had grown up now and realized that giving up on yourself was not all it was cracked up to be.  You never know what you might be able to do until you try.  And sometimes you may have to try harder than others.  And others may even need to try harder than you.

XIII. Conclusion (1981)

What came of this : Karen Carpenter (Edna) and I (Enoch) came together as best we could under the circumstances.  No Methuselah, Lamech, or Noah and after thinking a bit, no Rahula either.  I (Lord Metatron) would definitely rather spend eternity wanting to make out with Karen (Lady Metatron) than have Karen spend an eternity wiping dirt off my cheek.  Karen also pronounced Enoch as Ē nō ch (long e, long o, not a k but a ch sound as in chip as Karen said that one time).  As far as I know, Karen has been the only one with a regressed memory of Edna, Methuselah's mother / mom and therefore I feel her pronounciation of Enoch carries more weight than anyone else's pronounciation or mispronounciation as the case may be.  Buddha is another story as are Karen and Ace too.  Isn't that what life is about, stories?

I. Remembering February 4, 1983

What happened : I did not hear about it that I remember.  I probably did hear about it, but I most likely blanked it out of my mind.  If it was over the school anouncements, it would have been Jay Felli's voice.  I would have been in Corning, NY at the time.  Karen died.  Karen's heart just stopped.  Karen said to me on the day before that her visitor would be starting soon and maybe Karen mixed up pills or possibly was just too underweight to deal with her visitor starting.  Karen usually took Midol for her visitor.  Also, menstrual cycles usually cause nausea and vomiting so taking ipecac syrup sounds a bit far fetched.  Also, no ipecac syrup container let alone containers as accused anywhere to be found.  Karen was 108 pounds when she died, not 80 or 84 as another said.  That rules out Karen being too underweight.  Karen was nude (actually, Karen told me she preferred the word nude over naked) when her mother found her.  No foul play or such.  It was just Karen's time.  Karen's time (number) was up and that was that.  Who knows how long Karen may have been dead before her mother found her, five seconds, five minutes, not too long, but Karen was dead.  They took her to the hospital rather than bring the coroner to the house and all that mess.  Even with a celebrity, they don't bring a person out of a house with a sheet over them on a stretcher unless they are dead.  You can't suffocate a corpse.  No marks or anything to indicate a struggle or foul play.  Like said, Karen's heart just stopped before Karen's mom, Agnes, found her.  And the reason why Karen's mother found her is because Karen had a court date to sign divorce papers and was not downstairs yet.  Cardiac arrest; Karen's heart stopped.  Karen died. 

When my grandfather, Zeke, passed away in 1986, my uncle Gary was an EMT at the time and arrived at my grandfather's house with my grandfather motionless on the couch.  Almost immediately, my uncle said, "I think I just felt a pulse" and they brought the stretcher in and took my grandfather away.  Like my uncle Gary said to me, "I didn't actually get a pulse, but if they pronounce him dead at the hospital or in the ambulance then it isn't as messy.  If a person is found dead in a house then they have to bring in the coroner and the coroner has to try and determine time of death and the cause of death and the body can't be moved and all this other stuff which just gets to be a big headache and a bigger mess than it needs to be especially for an older person.  I had a couple calls where after the husband or wife was declared dead, the wife or husband of the dead person had a heart attack themselves on the spot.  So if we can get the person to the hospital before declaring them dead, especially around older people, the better chance we have of saving someone else if something more happens.  About the only time a person is declared dead on the scene is if the person lived alone, a probable crime scene or the paramedic is a rookie and doesn't know any better."

II. What is meant by Karen's heart just stopped?

Good question.  It has been kind of explained to me what happened only I forgot one part of this.  Anyway, I will try to explain as best as possible so that most people can understand this, myself included.  Karen's Toxicology Report was very interesting for several reasons but the biggest thing that should stand out (and was overlooked by the coroner or whoever prepared the report) is that a condition known as hyperglycemia (high blood sugar) was present.  Not a slight, but HIGH.  A level of 800 or higher is considered very high and a normal level is around 100.  Karen's level was 1106.  Over ten times normal and a definite cause for concern as a level of 800 or more can cause a person to become dizzy and pass out.  On top of this was another cause for concern, Karen's very low potassium level.  The third part of this is what I forgot and I can not remember if it was sodium, iron, nitrogen, or such, but the third part was very low as well in Karen's Toxicology Report.  As the numbers indicated, Karen's heart stopped.  Honestly.  That was what happened.  It has the nickname of "the Death Spike" and is fatal in all cases where this happens as this natural process was what was used as the basis for 'lethal injection'.  The 'spike' is because the body sees something as being wrong and out of balance, so the body produces and releases an enormous amount of glycol (blood sugar) into the system in a short period.  About the best way I can explain this in layman's terms is that Karen's body suddenly produced enough internal glycerine tablets to stop a rhinoceros' heart as it was explained to me.  Glycerine tablets (nitro glycerine) are what are used to lower blood pressure and slow the heart.  The body naturally has a way of producing this.  With the low potassium and other (sodium?) level, it was apparent that Karen's body had produced enough glycerine (tablets) in her system that Karen's heart had stopped and there was no way that anyone could have got her heart to start beating again on its own.  The person explaining this to me also explained that this is usually very sudden and painless.  The person just passes out and dies within 5 minutes as their heart just stops beating.  No chest pains or such.  No physical damage to the heart.  But the process is a natural process that can happen in certain people unexpectedly and without warning.  It can also be a gradual process too with levels adjusting slowly over time.  If Karen had been a rhinoceros or even an elephant, Karen did not stand a chance.  And it was not really diet or medicines or weight or physical damage or such that caused this either.  But that was also why this doctor asked me if I knew what Karen might have had to eat the night before.  Karen had not said that to me, so I didn't know.  But according to other sources, Karen had eaten out at a restaurant the night before and not sure what she ordered (spaghetti possibly?, no idea really).  Karen's body had somehow sent the wrong message at the wrong time internally and that was that.  Instant internal lethal injection.  Gone.  Suddenly and unexpectedly but gone.  Nobody's fault.  These chemical imbalances were also probably the reason why Karen had been having arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat) over the years.  Not really a heart attack, coronary, aneurysm, stroke (brain), or such, so not really sure what to call this or what category it might fit under.

III. February 3, 1983, Karen's phone call to me (@ 8 PM EDST or @ 5 PM Pacific I believe)

On the day before, February 3rd, I had got a phone call from Karen telling me that her divorce came through and asking me to take an overnight bag with a suit, tie, shoes, birth certificate, toothbrush, and something to sleep in into school with me the next day and that Karen would be coming by the school to pick me up.  I also added deodorant too.  The phone call started out with me being downstairs in the basement playing drums I believe to records and my mother or father yells down, "Ace, you have a phone call.  Someone named Karen."  Now, mind you, I rarely got phone calls, maybe once a year and I am like, "Karen who?"  And my parent was like, "How should I know, just pick up the phone."  So I stopped playing drums and answered the phone in a cranky voice, "Hello, who is this?"  And the voice on the other end goes, "That's a fine how do you do, I ought to hang up on you right now.  Karen who.  This is Karen, remember me?  I sure am not going to tell your parents who I am and I shouldn't have to tell you either.  This is Karen, you know, Karen."  And I was like, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you at first and I rarely get a phone call.  Hold on a second because I have a feeling someone is still on the other line."  And then I hear a click and then, "OK, I think we're good.  How've you been?"  And Karen was like, "My divorce goes through tomorrow and I need you to... (and then Karen talks about picking me up the next day and us eloping)".  Karen then goes, "Was that you playing?  You sound a little off."  And I was like, "Yeah, just a second..."  And then I went over to the drums and played a little bit then I kind of shut down and turned off the record player.  Then I picked up the phone and Karen was like, "Was that what I think it was?"  And I was like, "Yeah, monotone.  I have been playing one handed lately with my left hand to make my right hand jealous so that maybe my right hand might learn to cooperate more.  It's not really working though.  As you can tell I'm healing the stick on the snare which makes a dead hit sound and sounds a bit off.  I'm working on it though."  And Karen was like, "Monotone.  I can't even do that.  Only thirteen people can do that, well I guess fourteen now.  You'll have to show me some time."  I then say, "There is a secret to it that I stumbled upon by accident.  It's more about stick control than speed.  You have to keep the sticks low to the drum head and not too much pressure because you don't want the sticks to bounce off the drum head too much.  I'll definitely show you some time.  Is Richard going to be our best man?"  And Karen said, "Actually, Richard is a little upset at me now.  I have been playing a prank on him about me getting another manager because I need an excuse as to why I am flying out tomorrow.  I have been telling my friends that I have plans to get another manager too so that Richard doesn't get suspicious.  I realize that after we get married that some people might not be too keen on you being my husband because of your age, so I am using this manager story as a reason why I am flying out to New York instead of telling people I am planning to elope with you.  It is going really well so far.  But Richard thinks that I am looking to replace him so Richard is a bit upset at me lately, but he'll get over it."  And I was like, "Oh what a tangled web we weave, but I understand somewhat.  Has anyone asked who this great manager is yet?"  And Karen was like, "Not yet and that's kind of another great part of my plan.  I'll just tell people that Richard is my great manager.  It'll work.  OK, I know it's kind of a flimsy plan, but it can't be helped at the last minute.  It's all I got.  If I told them I was wanting to get married again after all that I went through with Tom they would have me locked up and throw away the key.  Anyway, after I get back I can explain it all to them.  After all the stuff I went through with Tom, I know that everyone would be really worried about me getting married again so soon.  I really want to get married to you though.  I've waited so long for this.  I miss you so much."  And I was like, "I miss you too, but what makes you think I really want to marry you?  OK, you're right.  I've been miserable without you too.  You got me.  I do."  And Karen was like, "I do too.  I like the sound of that."  And I was like, "Me too.  It sounds great and so do you saying it.  I can't wait until we get to say it to each other in person.  I hope this all works out."  Karen was like, "Me too, otherwise I may need another manager.  But then too, you could earn your keep.  How hard can it be answering the phone once in a while and say yes or no?  That's about all I've ever seen managers do."  Karen also said that she had told Tom over the phone that she didn't care and would give Tom a million if he would just sign the papers and get out of her life.  Karen also said that she would never put that in writing, but she was figuring that Tom was greedy enough to "take the bait" and sign.  Karen then said, "I never told him a million what, just a million."  I am pretty sure that I said, "OK, so Tom gets a couple down jackets, a couple down pillows, and a down blanket.  Maybe just a down mattress even.  A million duck feathers.  Even better, how about a million thank yous for getting out of your life and not trying to make you feel miserable all of the time?  Thank you; thank you; thank you; thank you...  Just make a tape and he can play it as many times as he wants.  That's cool."  And Karen was like, "Actually, Tom said he wasn't interested in the million and he said that if I wanted the divorce that bad that he would just sign the papers and be done with it.  I think it's about the only nice thing I can remember he's done for me since we've been married."  And I was like, "After all the stuff with Tom, if you want a prenuptual agreement, I understand and I definitely would sign it.  You know that all I want is just you anyway, and if you didn't want me anymore; I would leave; no problems.  I'd give you the clothes off my back so that when I left I would have a place to stay after getting arrested for indecent exposure."  And I am pretty sure that Karen said, "Who was your cell mate again?"  And I was like, "Bruce"  (Note, I never was in prison or such, so 'Brooth' aka Bruce was an inside joke between us about being butt raped in prison from 1979 after the 'Max' incident.  Yes, Karen and my odd sense of humor again).  And she was like, "That's right.  Bruce is going to have to find someone else because you are mine.  I figured you would say something like that which is why I plan on getting a house with a big yard and a tall fence that the neighbors can't see over.  That way you can just wander around the yard until you're ready to come back in.  I'll just grab some popcorn and enjoy the show.  Honestly, with what we've been through, we both know that you aren't capable of doing anything that would hurt my feelings, let alone get the cops called on you.  I am not going to let you get away that easily.  I had thought about a prenup, like you said, because of Tom, but you're not Tom.  Tom couldn't break my heart.  If you and I got a divorce, it would honestly break my heart and I know it would break yours too.  I honestly thought about it and after thinking, I don't want a prenup because I honestly don't ever want to think about going through another marriage or divorce again after we get married."  And I am pretty sure I said back, "I agree.  For life and forever."  And I am very sure that Karen said, "I like what you just said and I definitely agree.  Now that we got that out of the way..."  Karen told me that she had a dog and that she wanted to make it perfectly clear that I was not going to be allowed to spoil her dog.  Karen was like, "I know you and you're not going to spoil (him / her)."  And I was like, "Please, just a little.  You know I love dogs, not that way, but you know."  And Karen giggled and said, "I know, but no.  You are not spoiling (him / her); that's final.  (He / She) sleeps on the floor."  And I was like, "I'm sitting here naked talking, how about you?"  And Karen was like, "Me too."  And then I go, "You and me make horrible liars but it was worth a shot."  And we both started laughing.  Karen asked me if I "drove stick" and I said "No, not yet."  And Karen was like, "Well my car is stick so I'll have my cousin Wendy pick me up and get me at the airport (and I am pretty sure Karen said "in Rochester") but maybe I'll teach you later."  I told her that I would need to drop off my car at the house before we left and that she could follow me there.  We would then take a blood test together and wait in a hotel room for two days and then see a Justice of the Peace.  Karen said that she wanted our marriage to be just plain and simple like us.  We agreed.  No big fanfare or such, just us.  It wasn't because of her previous marriage or such, it was just that we were not really wanting anything elaborate ourselves.  A big wedding just wasn't us.  Karen also warned me that her visitor (menstrual cycle) would be starting soon.  We also talked about Karen's "public image" and that Karen was tired of the business trying to push this 'sex appeal' and 'sex sells' stuff.  Karen was wanting to stay with her 'girl next door' image.  Karen was never one to show off and such and she was always body conscious to begin with.  Karen wanted to stay with being just plain Karen with the freckles.  Karen was tired of being thought of as a 'barbie doll' and wanted to be thought of as someone that was more than just looks.  I commented back that I always thought Karen was her "most beautiful as the girl next door" anyway and that the 'sexy' image made Karen seem 'trashy'.  Karen knew I was never the jealous type anyway and I wanted Karen to appear sexy and desirable and beautiful, not cheap and trashy and just out for a good time.  But business is business.  And Karen and I both agreed that Karen's public image was Karen's own business to do with as she wished and it was best if I just stayed in the background.  Karen said, "If asked, I liked your most beautiful as the girl next door comment, but try to stay away from that trashy talk stuff.  I know what you meant, but others might take it the wrong way."  And I was like, "I know what you mean and I agree.  Keep it simple in public.  Keep it positive and avoid put downs and such that can be taken the wrong way."  And she was like, "I know you'll do alright.  You've always had a good head on your shoulders about that kind of stuff."  Karen also talked about being in New York for about a year and her experience there.  Karen said something like, "I was in your neck of the woods and I had an apartment in New York City for a year and I was looking to see the author, Steven Levenkron.  It was all over the papers.  I was looking to sow my wild oats, so to speak, and I still remember you saying that to me.  That was funny.  Probably my third best memory of you.  My second best of course is when you sang Close To You with the trumpet sounds and all of that.  That was great.  But my greatest was when we had our first real kiss, not that junk that happened before.  I just melted.  I really loved his book and I wanted to meet him.  He is nothing like his book would suggest.  He is a manipulator.  He is more of a manipulator than Thomas ever thought of being.  He is a master manipulator.  When I first checked in he dumped the contents of my purse out and you know my purse, I just had a couple pads, a few aspirins, a couple Pamprin, some laxatives, my wallet and pictures and tissues and makeup and stuff.  Nothing bad really.  You know me.  I have nothing to hide.  Next thing I know, I'm a kleptomaniac that I don't know about and it looks like I had been raiding people's medicine cabinets while sleepwalking as well evidently.  I had no idea what this stuff was, but I have a list from the paperwork he gave me and we can look it up sometime.  I know there were only three of us in that room and I know I didn't put that stuff in there."  And I was like, "What about the hallway or the elevator?"  And Karen was like, "No one in the hallway, but there were a couple men behind us in the elevator on the way up but they were back a little ways and not right behind us.  Steven then told me that if I tell anyone about this that he will call me a liar in front of the whole group and sign papers to have me committed to Bellevue.  And you know me when people accuse me of things.  I'm not going to let people accuse me of things if they aren't true.  He threatened to call me a liar so I became a liar.  He strung me along for a year and I finally got my visit from him.  After my visit from Steven, and he let me call him Steven, I left about three and a half months ago after being in the hospital again.  [Somebody] dared me to drink a case (six pack?) of ipecac and you know me and my dares.  No one is going to call me chicken.  So I ended up in the hospital before I left.  I can only imagine what the people there thought about me in the therapy sessions.  I just made up a bunch of stuff for the therapy sessions.  People aren't supposed to talk about that stuff outside of the group meetings and so I had a little fun with it and made up some wild stories.  So if you hear some rumors about me that don't seem true, they aren't.  Just consider the source and if the source is someone from the looney bin, you'll know.  I also had a breakdown while I was there.  A meltdown actually.  It was supposed to be a meeting with just me and my family but Itchie was there too.  I don't know why Itchie was there, but she was.  It was just awful.  And of course they tried to blame it all on my family again and they tried to force me and my mom to hug in front of strangers again.  Another setup and of course they keep trying to blame my family for it.  Like I said back when, my mom is not a hugger; my mom is a thinker.  But what do I know?  I just started crying because the way they treated my mom and my brother was horrible.  I didn't blame them for leaving after that.  I wished I could have left with them too, but I'd signed the papers.  I figured Steven would have me committed to Bellevue if I told him and Itchie what I really thought of them after what they did to me and my family that day.  I just kept my mouth shut after that.  My family left and I was all alone again with no one that really cared about me.  After my meltdown, I went to a very deep, dark place and I didn't care anymore.  I don't suggest going there.  It is not a good place.  Evil Karen lives there.  There is nothing good that survives there.  Not even you."  And I was like, "I was there with you.  I know.  Evil Ace, remember?"  And Karen was like, "How could you be there, what have you ever done that was evil?"  And I was like, "Remember Max against the wall and all that, then my backing Phil and Itchie into a corner so that you stayed until the end of school, and of course Tom avoiding us at the graduation ceremonies.  How soon we forget that, like you, I'm not exactly Mr. goody two shoes all the time."  And Karen was like, "I remember now.  The arm that reached in and pulled me out.  That WAS you that brought me back.  Thanks."  And I was like, "Don't mention it.  Really, don't.  I like the surprised looks on people's faces when they meet Evil Ace for the first time and become scared sh*tless."  And Karen was like, "Don't worry, I won't mention it.  I like seeing the surprised looks on their faces too.  Anyway, after that I was focused on just do whatever and get out of there.  It's all marketing and advertising and that kind of stuff with slogans and gimmicks and such and none of that stuff works with me.  I'm not really a motivated person if you remember correctly.  What finally got me to stop was when I thought back to you and when you quit smoking.  You just came right out and said that you needed to quit because you had better things to do than waste your time smelling like an ashtray so you quit smoking.  I was so proud of you which is why I started crying that one time if you remember.  You chose me and I never asked you to choose; you just did it on your own.  And I was so proud of you because you chose me.  Not the superstar, me.  You wanted to be with me."  And I was like, "That was a real no brainer.  I just looked at you and I wanted to kiss and hold you so bad and I had this stupid thing sticking out of my mouth, so I quit.  It was that easy."  Then she said, "I realized I had better things to do than to worry about losing weight and ending up in the looney bin again, so I quit worrying about losing weight.  It's been working so far.  I told myself that I am only going to step on the scales once a week and I'm sticking to it.  Anyway, Steven told me that he wasn't interested in me and it showed.  I got more satisfaction from my little pinky than from him.  Don't worry, he doesn't hold a candle compared to you."  And if you know me I couldn't help but say, "Can I hold the candle too.  It sounds like fun.  Twisting it around and around and in and out and..."  And she started to laugh a little over the phone and she was like, "No candles.  No artificial ingredients or preservatives.  Just little old me.  You know me.  Remember the auditorium?"  And I was like, "How could I forget that.  We knocked over the cymbals and then...  Front row center.  We forgot where we were and then someone opened the door and we both had that oops look on our faces because we forgot where we were.  That works too I guess.  Are you sure?"  And Karen was like, "I'm positive."  And then I was like, "What about a jack hammer to make your teeth rattle?"  And Karen was like, "No.  My teeth are fine and I want them to stay that way."  And we both laughed again.  And I was like, "I miss seeing you laugh."  And Karen was like, "I miss you too, but we'll see each other tomorrow."  I also asked Karen if she wanted me to bring a bib for when we drooled in our sleep at the hotel and she said her favorite words, "Smart ass".  We also sang, "Row row row your boat" together over the phone for a little bit.  Karen also told me that her and Richard were going to start touring again soon so it would be a short honeymoon.  Karen never showed up.  The area code for the call would have been (607).  The area code for Karen's cousin Wendy would have been (607) too.

IV. February 4, 1983 my recollection

VII. Thinking about Karen's death

As far as Karen's death itself.  I wasn't personally there, however this I know for sure...  Richard saying that Karen's eyes were hollow and lifeless and that Karen did not look too well was probably true.  Karen and I had been away from each other for about a year and a half and my eyes were about the same as Karen's honestly.  Karen and I missed each other a lot.  In 11th grade (September 1981 to June 1982) I had ran away from home 4 times just because I didn't care any more and I just needed to get away from everyone else because I was driving everyone else crazy (at the house and in school).  I had a racist english teacher in 11th grade (I am part native american aka savage) and I won the war with him by getting an 80 on the final exam.  There were also a few racist students that I was having problems with as well.  I had found real and true love with Karen, but it seemed like everyone else kept trying to make me feel miserable and angry.  I didn't want to feel miserable or angry, so there were a lot of problems.  I also realized that if I killed these racists, even though they would have deserved it, I would have got 25 to life and I would have not been able to see Karen if that had happened and I was definitely close a couple times.  And Karen and I kept our promise not to see each other until after she got a divorce so that neither of us got accused of anything.  My parents and my sister just did not understand that I really did not care and that I was tired of dealing with a bunch of racists at school.  Karen and I always helped each other feel better and we were both going through 'withdrawals' so to speak.  While I was going through what I was going through, Karen had her problems too dealing with a messy divorce from a guy that kept trying to make her feel miserable too.  Karen did die and most people thought I was a zombie in all honesty in 1983.  I looked kind of bad in 1981 before seeing Karen again for that short week, but from 1981 to 1983 I just kept looking worst and worst to the point where in August 1983, I literally could not keep my head up straight any more.  I graduated in June 1983 and the pictures my parents took were all horrible with my head leaning over in every picture.  I was going to college in 1983 and they took 6 pictures of me for my Sheriff's ID card and my head at 30 degrees from straight up was as good as it got. 

Karen weighed 108 pounds when she passed away.  Karen never complained of having chest pains or numbness which are indicators of heart problems.  I talked with Karen the day before on the phone and she was actually in a very good mood and not depressed at all and very happy honestly.  I was happy on the phone too.  Karen was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa which was mentioned on her death certificate, however, it is very debatable if this was a cause of death.  Anorexia was mentioned, but honestly, Karen's heart stopped and Karen weighed 108 pounds.  An anorectic would weigh 90 pounds or less if in trouble, so like I said, very debatable as Karen was not underweight at the time of her death.  Could the excess weight have caused heart problems?  Honestly, there are warning signs of a person having heart problems.  Karen did not have any of these warning signs beforehand.  Karen having a problem with her heart was honestly sudden and unexpected.  Karen was always worn out or tired during her 'visitor' (menstrual cycle).  Karen knew her visitor was going to be starting soon if it hadn't started already.  Karen went downstairs and made a pot of coffee and then went back upstairs to get ready for the day ahead which involved Karen signing her finalized divorce papers with Tom Burris (I don't care if he wishes to be called Thomas, because I don't want his wishes coming true, Tom Burris, OK?).  The coffee pot was on and Karen's mom was downstairs.  Karen's mom noticed that Karen hadn't come back downstairs as the pot of coffee was still going.  So Karen's mom went to check on Karen and Karen was laying on the floor motionless and not wearing clothes (people usually are not wearing clothes when they are undressed and preparing to get dressed).  Karen's mother called the ambulance and they showed up and took Karen out on a stretcher (and for those that saw the video, the sheet was over Karen when they brought her out in the stretcher which indicates that the person is dead usually because of suffocation issues, hint, but they also wish to avoid other possible problems when dealing with living family that are elderly and the other living family are gray haired and possible to have a heart attack or other condition themselves if they find out that someone is dead, so usually they try to have death declared in an emergency room or an ambulance unless the person in question lived alone with no one around, or unless there is a probable crime scene, another hint).  They had Karen at the hospital and could not revive her.  They also have to cover their actions and why they did what they did and they did an outstanding job as usual with getting Karen to the hospital after they found her motionless on the floor.  Cause of death, Karen's heart stopped.  A person's heart stops beating when they die in every instance of death.  Karen was not an exception.  What caused Karen's heart to stop is purely speculative and worth possible study as I have done.  It was sudden and unexpected.  Aneurysm?  Stroke?  Seizure?  Air bubble in the blood stream (unlikely, but...)?  There weren't any warning signs beforehand.  It just happened.  Totally unforeseeable.  Almost unforeseeable except for the diagnosis in 1975 and or 1977 of arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat) after Karen was in the hospital those times.  Karen was not going to have a pacemaker put in as Karen was against being kept alive by a machine.  And anybody trying to blame Karen's sudden death on anybody is not thinking properly.  Karen's heart stopping is a physical problem.  Karen's heart stopping is not anyone's fault including Karen herself.  No one's fault.  Karen passed away.  People pass way when they die.  Things happen.  Seriously, if Karen's heart had not stopped, she would not have passed away.  Is there something wrong with being honest?  Blaming anyone under Karen's situation is not being honest.  The truth.  And another truth, even with a pacemaker, Karen's heart probably would have still stopped beating at some point.  That's life and death, but not the end.

And yet another truth, a part of me that can't be replaced died when Karen died.  How do you replace someone that literally knew what you were thinking?  Someone that you couldn't argue with?  Someone that shared great memories with you?  Someone that made you feel like everything was going to work out all right?  Someone that made you feel like you were floating on air?  That one special someone that was your dreams come true.  Sharing wonderful memories with someone is special and when that someone special is not around any more to share with, memories still remain.  I love you too Karen.  Thank you Karen for being that wonderful person that I always knew you to be.

VIII. Karen's mom and shrinks in general

X. Conclusion

What came of this : Karen died.  See September 1978 to May / June 1979 for more details.  If I remember right, just like Julie Sage, Karen told me that she had a short life line as well (about an inch and a quarter to an inch and a half long).  Karen was the only one I ever felt 'cloud 9' with.  Karen was supposed to sign divorce papers from Tom Burris on February 4.  I always wished for her to be happy.  Karen was definitely looking forward to the future after signing her divorce papers and being able to be happy again and getting her life back again.  Neither one of us knew how to get a hold of the other, but I know if she had been really depressed or in trouble, she would have definitely tried to find me somehow in Corning NY.  I turned 18 years old exactly three months before she died, so the 'minor' problem would not be a factor anymore.  But not to be.  After thinking about her around late May to mid June 2019, I remembered what it felt like to be on cloud 9 again and even though she isn't around to share it with me like before, it still feels great.  Karen and me had some really great times together in the short eight months we knew each other.  I noticed that there were 2 songs on Karen's solo album (Lovelines, If We Try), and 2 outtake songs (Midnight, It's Really You) from that album that contain 'Darling' (Karen's pet name for me) in the lyrics.  Oddly too, the 'baby' songs appear to be about me as well.  Karen told me that when she started her solo album, that she didn't have a pet name for me yet.  I still do love Karen (Honey, my pet name for Karen) in 2019.  Karen was definitely my soul mate and I was definitely her soul mate too.  I also happened to think that if Richard or one of them found out 'darling' was a student that was 14 years old at the time, there could have been some problems too.  And honestly, even now, I would wish to avoid any scandal or such involving Karen.  And honestly, the only things that touched between Karen and myself were our words, our thoughts, our hearts, our souls and our eyesight.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  OK, maybe a little bit more after I turned 16, but shhhh, OK?  We had to be sure somehow, and we had just enough somehow to be sure.  Also note, with Karen and I being soul mates, we are seen as equals after she passed away.  With that being said and because I am the one with the double-nerved upper left bicuspid aka the Holy Scribe, I believe Karen is helping to fill that position until I get back.  If you see a blonde haired woman with the Akashic Records, It is Karen Carpenter, my soul mate.  After I die or whatever happens to end my life in the flesh, I have a feeling that Karen and I both stay together for eternity and do not return to the flesh.

XI. An afterthought

And for even more fun, try this link http://www.theeaceman.com/loveyoumore.html for some of the "I love you more..." things that Karen and I used to say to each other after the Max incident.  And one for the road, so to speak.  Below are the school pictures from the 1979 Corning Free Academy classbook.  The extra hand in Karen's picture is from the social studies teacher Mr. (Tom?) Cook.  The pictures were taken around October 1978.  Karen was very nervous about it and asked me to be in the room during the picture taking.  I was sitting in a chair about 15 to 20 feet away and in front of Karen and Mr. Cook.   Karen's eyes closed in the picture because when the photographer snapped the picture, Karen and Mr. Cook started laughing because I was saying, "Rump roast, Liver and onions, Castor Oil..." instead of the usual, "Say cheese".  Karen wore a black wig and weighed I think 104 pounds at the time of this picture.  The vest on Karen was a rainbow color with reds, yellows, blues, greens, and oranges that Karen made herself (on a side note, Karen made her own poncho too and she kind of started a fad in the area where girls wanted ponchos, including my sister).  I believe the papers in Karen's hands were just a bunch of papers that were lying around in the room and Karen just threw a paper clip on them to make the papers look important.  I think the picture was taken in an unused classroom that became more of a storage room but I am not positive on that now.  A funny note, The writing on the blackboard is Karen's.  The funny part is that the math teachers were lined up in front of the english stuff that Karen wrote on the board, and Karen (the english teacher) was lined up with the math stuff that Karen wrote.  Anyway...